We are on the lookout. But what for? For love, quick sex or undivided attention? FACES columnist Sybille Statz sees dating as more of a rollercoaster ride than a leisurely stroll, and while she explores the highs and lows of the Tinder universe, she always has her stylus ready for us.
The pufferfish is quite different
Pufferfish form a symmetrically perfect mandala of sand to attract mating females. And what do we highly developed beings do?
Exactly. We swipe.
Nope.
Nope.
Hm… that could work, I thought, when I was shown Marco, 33, from Cologne.
Starred like a flawless class assignment.
Was called: Super-Like.
Meaning: I had the advantage.
I wrote him something semi-inspiring in response to his semi-inspiring message, got my best friend’s approval and generously sent out screenshots of Marco’s ad photo among my friends in case I became a number for forensics.
We met up the next day.
In real life – as they call it these days.
I liked the fact that he was actually 1.93 meters tall – without heels, without a man bun, without the good-natured sense of proportion of a mother whose son wants to be a basketball player at all costs.
Unfortunately, Marco’s impressive stature had come to an end.
The bold company on his profile outed itself as a fitness studio. I hadn’t expected that, even though his upper arms were impressive. Until then, I decided to keep an open mind. After all, I wasn’t a nuclear physicist myself and didn’t want to sound like my mother, who always referred to our neighbor, the timber merchant, as a lumberjack. No, ignorance should not affect our date.
No matter what you do, do it with passion was once written on a bumper sticker that I was allowed to gawk at on the way to my hairdresser. And Marco was passionate. A passionate liar: ten years older than Tinder claims. He mentioned it with the same casualness with which he asked whether I wanted my ice cream in a cone or a cup. I wanted the cup, and I wanted Marco, 33. Not the cringe-worthy farce that needed to be entertained until we had destroyed our sticky calorie bombs.
It took eight YouTube tutorials to transform my eyelids into a rose gold seductive shadow landscape for a man who had tricked me.
Marco took me home.
He withheld the last ten years of his life, I the obligatory goodbye kiss.
I had previously kissed liars. And I didn’t mind if the moment was right.
So why the stinginess?
Perhaps the sparks were missing. Maybe I didn’t want to settle for less than the pufferfish.
Writing is her hobby: Sybille Statz from Cologne loves great romances just as much as she loves horror films, cats and 90s series. You can read more of her work in her two short novels “Matches for Real – Das Dating-Desaster” and “After Sunset – Korallenrot” and here.
What does our author Sybille Statz experience when dating? Here you can find the other episodes to read, marvel at and smile about.
Text:Sybille Statz
